Lately I came across this word called ambivert while researching for my work. The Free Dictionary defines it as “a person who is intermediate between an extrovert and an introvert.” Well that answered a lot of questions because I have always been questioning myself which part of the world did I actually belong to?
The right part or the left?
Well this word (ambivert) did give me some perspective.
Firstly, no matter how much one denies being labeled, or being put into a box of labels or self-liberalize oneself from all names and ties, we do want to belong. The innate desire for us to belong makes us a hypocrite. Doesn’t it?
Secondly why is the word “hypocritical” associated with something wrong? Isn’t it just dependent on the perspective? Well questions are abundant here, answers….limited.
So getting back to where I started, ambivert does sound appealing at least for me who is stuck in a constant state of confusion. Finally a word that I feel, speaks the closest to me.
For a long time in my life or maybe the early stages of my life, I felt I was an extrovert. The Free dictionary describes it as “an outgoing person; a person concerned primarily with the physical and social environment rather than with the self.”
I was the life of the party; in school, with friends or strangers. I was full of joy and energy with everybody and anybody. To be honest, it was like I needed people around me and I had this uncanny desire to be liked by everyone! It seems strange now, although I haven’t completely let go of it. Every time I was disappointed, my mum would tell me “You cannot always please everyone, dear!” I paid no heed to that. I tried and tried. However, gradually I realized what my mom meant. I tried so hard but someone somewhere would have a problem with me, sometimes to the extent that even agreeing with them was a problem. Slowly things changed and I found myself reclusive and lonesome (not the sad type) because I actually started enjoying it! It was something I craved for after a night surrounded by people. I had a few people I wanted in my life and that was it.
I had finally begun to accept that I was an introvert or maybe in the process of being one, who for a very long time had pretended to be an extrovert. And that was it!
Recently, however I feel a kind of disconnect with myself. Introvert as the Free Dictionary defines it is “a person who is more concerned with his own thoughts and feelings than with other people or happenings outside him.” I am not bound to that. It doesn’t really define me. It does say what I am occasionally but not all the time. These are the kind of questions that hover above my head and I am continuously trying to find answers to them. Am I stressing too much?
Until someone proclaimed STRESS NO MORE! Was it GOD? Probably NOT!
However, whatever led me to this word “ambivert” has definitely helped me a lot. Like I said earlier, the innate desire to belong, to be labeled and to be a part of a group is important, no matter how hard we try to avoid it or run away from it.
Well I think that is enough blabbering for a day!
Thank you for reading folks!’