Time Shortage!!

Recently, work has been very demanding with our Features Desk Head not being able to come to work, the responsibility falling in our minute shoulders.

When I was in college, my father always used to share his anxiousness over the little time that we have in our hands. He would keep telling me how 24 hours in a day doesn’t seem enough for the all the things that he wants to do? I always took it very lightly, I mean, I was in college; 24 hours was a lot of time. There were times when I had too much time to sleep too. I never understood what he meant by it. I never bothered to.

In the last few months, there have been times when I have wanted to call him up and tell him the exact same thing. Funny how life changes. Hours pass by like weeks and weeks like months. Sometimes there are days when I don’t even hear my own thoughts. The voice that you imagine you hear when talking or thinking to yourself? Do you have it? Or is it just me?

This is the part that freaks me out, that makes me slow down and re-evaluate my days and try and re-structure it. But a few days on, and I feel like I am falling into the same rut again!

So basically, its goes something like this- Shock, Fear, Re-think, Re-evaluate and then Re-try!

OH MY GOD!!

OH MY GOD!!

No Success Without the GRIND

Her blog never disappoints!!!

Kristen Lamb's Blog

Image via Flickr Creative Commons, courtesy of Anamorphic Mike. Image via Flickr Creative Commons, courtesy of Anamorphic Mike.

What do you want? How badly do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice? These are the questions we must ask not once, but daily. There is no success without the GRIND.

Or perhaps, the G.R.I.N.D.

Give

Every day we have something to give that will keep propelling us forward. I love, love, love the movie Rocky. This is among my favorite quotes:

The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and…

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Sleepless nights are dreadful

Well…the whole pointnof working hard is falling asleep the moment you hit the bed..strangely or maybe as expected…it doesn’t work for me. I am the kind who no matter how tired I am…can’t just fall asleep. It takes me a good 20 mins to finally doze off. Those few moments are crucial. They decide the fate of my night. They decide if I will be getting the 7 hours of sleep I need to function correctly the next day.
Turns out today, the moment was not with me. I am lying down waiting to fall asleep. Twisting and turning. Taking a few showers. Trying to read a book. Nope…sleep is far far away. I can sense it. Far away.
As the minutes tick by, I get anxious about my day tomorrow and how I will be able to manage without sleep.  Well that doesn’t help at all. (Note to self: Anxiousness leads to panic and panic to sleepless night!!)
Its exactly 3:43 am and now I am thinking about the ghost from “Conjuring”.
Oh my god!! Now…”Emily Rose” “Grudge” “Shutter” ok…shit…I have got to stop…. (it ain’t helping!!)
Major panic now!!!!!!
I blame myself…and myself only…if only I had made sure the 20 mins after hitting the bed I had realxed instead of stalking up people in Instagram….damn you!!
Okay…thats it…got to stop writing now…writing isn’t helping either.
Good night folks!! (Lucky ones!!)

Introvert, Extrovert and finally Ambivert??

Lately I came across this word called ambivert while researching for my work. The Free Dictionary defines it as “a person who is intermediate between an extrovert and an introvert.” Well that answered a lot of questions because I have always been questioning myself which part of the world did I actually belong to?

The right part or the left?

Well this word (ambivert) did give me some perspective.

Firstly, no matter how much one denies being labeled, or being put into a box of labels or self-liberalize oneself from all names and ties, we do want to belong. The innate desire for us to belong makes us a hypocrite. Doesn’t it?

Secondly why is the word “hypocritical” associated with something wrong? Isn’t it just dependent on the perspective? Well questions are abundant here, answers….limited.

So getting back to where I started, ambivert does sound appealing at least for me who is stuck in a constant state of confusion. Finally a word that I feel, speaks the closest to me.

For a long time in my life or maybe the early stages of my life, I felt I was an extrovert. The Free dictionary describes it as “an outgoing person; a person concerned primarily with the physical and social environment rather than with the self.”

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I was the life of the party; in school, with friends or strangers. I was full of joy and energy with everybody and anybody. To be honest, it was like I needed people around me and I had this uncanny desire to be liked by everyone! It seems strange now, although I haven’t completely let go of it. Every time I was disappointed, my mum would tell me “You cannot always please everyone, dear!” I paid no heed to that. I tried and tried. However, gradually I realized what my mom meant. I tried so hard but someone somewhere would have a problem with me, sometimes to the extent that even agreeing with them was a problem. Slowly things changed and I found myself reclusive and lonesome (not the sad type) because I actually started enjoying it! It was something I craved for after a night surrounded by people.  I had a few people I wanted in my life and that was it.

I had finally begun to accept that I was an introvert or maybe in the process of being one, who for a very long time had pretended to be an extrovert. And that was it!

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Recently, however I feel a kind of disconnect with myself. Introvert as the Free Dictionary defines it is “a person who is more concerned with his own thoughts and feelings than with other people or happenings outside him.” I am not bound to that. It doesn’t really define me. It does say what I am occasionally but not all the time. These are the kind of questions that hover above my head and I am continuously trying to find answers to them. Am I stressing too much?

Until someone proclaimed STRESS NO MORE! Was it GOD? Probably NOT!

However, whatever led me to this word “ambivert” has definitely helped me a lot. Like I said earlier, the innate desire to belong, to be labeled and to be a part of a group is important, no matter how hard we try to avoid it or run away from it.

Well I think that is enough blabbering for a day!

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Thank you for reading folks!’

Did I speak too soon?

The moment I saw it I was sure to give myself a nice, practiced kick in the rear end!! I did speak too soon cause now I have another favorite…. OH WHY? This custom- made hand painted gown by British designer Giles Deacon is an art in itself. Love it!!

My Best Look So Far

From hair to make-up to the dress. Impeccable!!

No wonder you were the best choice for Galadriel!!

Never again will I be making these hasty statements!!

Is Work and Climate Interrelated??

As the hottest month of the year has moved to its final week, Delhi as we know has turned into one hot, oven!! Noooo…not that warm, cuddly smell of cookies kind but the sweating, freaking and water dripping kind where no amount of water intake is going to make the heat tolerable…. forget disappear. As the weirdest couple who still hasn’t gotten around to getting an AC (Air Conditioner),  sleeping last night was a challenge in itself. I swear I was literally counting the minutes until I could get up and go to work. I was actually looking forward to work!!!

Now that says something, doesn’t it? Anyhoo, I was pumped up to come to work and well…work.

Lunch time was here and as I was on my way back from home, hurrying back to the chilly embrace of the Air Con at the office. Suddenly (wait for it)<Killing suspense slowly> in an interesting yet totally unexpected turn of events, the heat sobered up. It was suddenly very windy albeit dusty and dry but still something was moving!! The sun hid behind  the vast clouds that were moving slowly but steadily towards me. The shadow grew nearer my feet and at last some I had found some relief!!

Phew…. Thank you Lord Almighty, Whoever Wherever You Are!!

My sweat dried up faster than my immense desire to go back to work. I suddenly felt a deep impulse to go back home and sleep!! I didn’t want to work no more, I wanted to sleep and enjoy the weather (DON’T EVEN THINK IT!!).

Well THAT wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Was it God? Please tell me!!

Well it wasn’t. :I

Why was it so difficult to get what we want? Cruel World… Cruel Times!!

So here I am, writing off my miserable fate on a wonderful day, breathing in the artificial air <rolls eyes>, while somewhere (2meters away) outside, people are enjoying the fresh air, the swaying of the trees and the splatter of light rain on their faces.

Yes I am in my office with a pile of magazines for research and a packet of biscuits(the one with all the calories) for company!!

Finding The Right Melody..

So I just recently stumbled upon this blog (https://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/) and I love it.  Well I am still confused about everything in life but somehow her blogs make it easier. Trust me I don’t want to be a writer but her blog is so inspiring! She talks about a lot of things that I have been asking myself for the last 10 years. I have not found the answer, but her blog gave me a direction. A path.

Sometimes that is all one needs, isn’t it?

Her recent article about OUTLASTERS was awesome!

Consistency being the keyword.

While reading it I realized that I keep giving up. I am in and out of numerous jobs but I can’t seem to stick to it for more than a month. As the last week of the first month approaches, I tend to find faults, start bunking and finally get my salary and leave. My father, I think has lost faith in me.

The biggest question we (or at least I keep asking myself) is “What do I want to do for the rest of my life?” I go blank. I try to gather up some options, I plan but it always, always falls through! Be it my health routines, my diet, my job, my interests, my blog etc.

Consistency being the keyword again!

I did wonder at the beginning of the article- is consistency the key? If I do something for a long time without quitting, will the result make me happy? Will I feel content at last? Will I feel proud?

The major flaw – the “what” triumphs the “how”!

And I’m back at square one.

As of now, I have finally found a job where I have stuck up for more than a month now because I have to. Well to be honest, I do like it here; I get to write about things that I am interested in and the best part – 5 minute walk from my place. Sometimes I wonder- is this the only reason I get up in the morning and go to work? Lord Knows!

So , this is me, today, for you.

So , this is me, today, for you.

GAME OF THRONES SEASON5 PREMIER-A Slow Yet Sturdy Start!

The premier of Game Of Thrones Season 5 met with a lot of hustle and bustle in our house. Firstly the news of the leak left me and my boyfriend panicked. We have been looking forward to the new season for over seven months( the ones who have waited longer, I totally understand the frustration). Furthermore, people texting from everywhere how “they” have downloaded it. Worse having someone close download it (which later was a lie). Anyway without drifting away from the episode, GOT S5 E1 was a rather slow but sturdy start. The audience was given time to catch up and get into the whole storyline again. There wasn’t an influx of characters to confuse us neither plot twists which it is so popular for. It was altogether one of those connecting episodes betrween two rather drama filled episodes. Although some might disagree, I felt it was better this way. The first episode had the right amount of excitement and pace.

Apart from nothing much happeneing in the first episode, waking up at 6 in the morning on a Monday was a task in itself so CHEERS! to all those who were up! We have definitely proved how big a fan we are.

Nothing blew my head this week, hopefully next week!

The World Looks Scary From Where I Stand!

Deciding to be an independent girl is very scary. From the day I decided to not take money from my dad, I have been having sleepless nights. Is this how it feels to finally be on your own and survive?

I realize now the genius behind the”school life is golden life” line. It really was and many men have yearned for the good old days to come back to them and I have joined them too. I wish I was back at home with no worries just homework, when cooking and cleaning was a result of inspiration. Life is different now. It looks like a colossal, jumbled and confusing piece of puzzle. The answer is not yet determined. The only way to solve it is to move ahead and go on. Some find the answers, some don’t but the clock keeps ticking and the earth keeps rotating.

Find a path you like, love and need.